today.

  I have been contemplating  whether or not to put this on the blog. I feel like on one hand, I should because it would be helpful to put it into words, it may help someone else who is going through something similar and it  may help me to continue to heal and find closure. This is part of our journey. On the other hand, I feel that I want to keep this between Andrew & I. I don't want to re-live it; I just want to put it all behind us.  I can't, so I decided to put some of it into words. The rest will forever be burnt into our memories & hearts.

Today, 9.11.12, would have been my due date. Today would have been the day that our little family of 3 grew into a little family of 5.  Today I would have felt that strong feeling of love that makes my heart want to explode, times two. Today Liam would have become a big brother. Today we would have started a new chapter in our lives.  & today I would have fallen in love with Andrew all over again.

Leaving out all the details, I was pregnant with two- one was intrauterine; one was ectopic. After numerous blood draws, testing, exams, and bargaining, we learned that happiness can leave just as quick as it arrives.

 Today, 9.11.12,  I have the love of an amazing man who has stood by me, loved me and held me up so many times these past 7 months that I have lost track. Today, I am reminded of those vows "in good times and bad". Today, I can't count how many times in the past 7 months I have fallen in love all over again with him. Today I am healthy. Today, I am fortunate for medical technology. Today I have a healthy, strong, beautiful, witty, little boy who calls me mommy; who one day will be a fabulous big brother.  Today, I have family and friends who supported us and continue to do so. Today, I have this life that I am so fortunate to have been trusted with. Today, I am blessed more than I know how to put into words. And today I look forward to what the future holds for us.